Anal Sex: The Final Frontier for Lesbians and Queers.

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First things first.   Anal sex should be pleasurable, not painful.  For women, having the anus stimulated during strap-on or clitoral stimulation will heighten orgasm and feel great.  But no one will enjoy anal penetration with a huge dildo, or aggressive fingering.   To keep it pleasurable,  start out small.  Once a woman turns off to anal sex, it’s difficult to come back to it.  And, believe it or not, it’s actually easier to start with a beginner’s toy, than with your finger!  Read on to find the best anal toys, and informational books for beginners.

The three most important ingredients of anal play are relaxation, lubrication, and communication.


The anus is made of two separate muscles that are about a quarter inch apart. The external muscle is under your control, most people can tense and relax it fairly easily. The internal muscle is controlled by the same part of your nervous system as your breathing and heart rate. The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed this muscle will be. Stress and anxiety, including worry that anal sex will hurt, can make your anus tighten, resulting in less pleasurable or possibly painful anal sex.

Numbing creams might make the nerves in the anus less sensitive, but they won’t help the muscles relax. They may make it more difficult to notice uncomfortable sensations, which can result in irritation or damage to the tissues. That having been said, there are a couple of creams  and lubricants that are safe to use, and can make anal sex more comfortable for a nervous beginner.  Vibration also creates muscle relaxation, and we’ll get to that later.


Unlike our vaginas, the rectum doesn’t produce lubrication, so we need lube for anal sex.   Lubricant is also perfect for anal foreplay.  Putting lube on your fingers and gently playing with the opening of her anus  is a great way to help the anus relax.  There are different kinds of lubricants for anal sex, but the best we have found are Uberlube and Sliquid Silk.   First-time anal players must get used to these feelings, so the slower you go, the better.


Being able to talk with your lover about anal play is essential to making sure that you’re both enjoying it. Check in with each other about your physical comfort, what sensations feel good, or if you want to try something different. Women new to anal play might have difficulty describing exactly what they want. Try offering different options and ask which feels better. Even people who have lots of anal play experience find that talking while playing makes it more pleasurable. And read books and blogs on the subject!

Anal Toys:

Anal toys are a great way to explore different sensations. Toys designed for anal play must be smooth, easy to sterilize, and have a base.  Beginners should start with a slimmer, vibrating toy for easier insertion. All of our anal toys have a base to keep them from going all the way into the anus. Don’t use a toy doesn’t have a base, don’t insert it into the anus!  Not even a little bit. It’s easier to lose a toy than you would think, especially since anal muscles suck in during orgasm.  And unlike the vagina, the sphincter muscles of our anus clamp closed, making it hard to retrieve an anal toy.


Introduction to Anal Toys

There are 3 major types of anal toys. Butt plugs, anal beads, and anal dildos.  All three types also have vibrating versions.

Butt Plugs:

Butt plugs are designed to remain stationary inside the rectum and stay in place as the anal muscles grip the neck, creating a sensation of fullness.

During  an orgasm, anal muscles contract along with the muscles of our vagina, so plugs intensify pleasure. Plugs are hands-free and can be combined with any strap-on sex, or any kind of sex.  The feeling of fullness and the intensity of orgasm is exaggerated tenfold while wearing a butt plug during strap-on or dildo sex,. Being penetrated by a dildo and having a butt plug in place, you can feel both of them pressing against each other, and it feels hot!

Anal Beads:

 Anal beads are exactly what they sound like; a series of beads that are either strung together on a cord or attached to a stem and inserted into the anus. They stimulate the anal opening because your sphincter muscle opens and closes over every bead. For some women, this feeling alone can induce orgasm, and for others, the removal of beads during orgasm acts as a great intensifier.

The classic way to use beads is to and gently slide each bead past the sphincter until  the entire strand of beads is inside the anus.  The most stimulation sensation is when you pull the beads out.  Some women prefer to do this as they get close to orgasm, while others enjoy doing it during orgasm. You can also experiment with pulling them out slowly or more quickly, although don’t go so fast that you can’t savor the sensations

If you are not sure if you will like the feeling, start off with the inexpensive  silicone beads.  If you like anal beads and want to own a permanent  string of beads, buy the Vixen silicone gem beads. They are the very best anal beads ever made, come in 3 sizes, they are $100, but well worth it.  Isn’t your butt worth one hundred dollars?

Vibrating anal toys:

Vibrating anal toys are our first recommendation for everyone, and most especially for beginners. Anal toys that vibrate create more intense and fuller sensations.  A very small plug that vibrates will “feel” much bigger than it is, without stretching the tissues of your anal canal.

Vibration also relaxes your anal muscles, and makes it more enjoyable for nervous first timers. It is a great toy to use if you are warming up for anal sex with larger dildo or a penis.  Anal beads, anal plugs, and anal dildos all come in vibrating versions. You can also use a vibrating anal toy on your clitoris or vagina. But if you do that, it is  doubly important that you clean it thoroughly, using with bleach or boiling water. Here are the best vibrating anal toys, from inexpensive to high tech remote.


Safety Tips:

Being clean is more of a concern for anal play than for most other types of sex.  Toys used for anal sex must be easy to clean or covered with a condom. Anal bacteria is no joke.  An easy and super effective clean up is to wipe them with a water & bleach solution, and rinse.  If you are in bed, and in a rush to reuse it, you can buy a special toy cleaner. But do not use any old cleaner, they are not all the same. In fact, most don’t kill bacteria, and some actually inflame the tissues of the anus and vagina. Take caution when purchasing cleaners.

Anal dildos:

If thrusting gets your juices flowing, then an anal dildo is the toy for you.  They are wonderful, whether you are using them with a harness or on their own.  Dildos lets you  experience the feeling of something going in and out of your anus.  There are dildos that have bubbles or beaded shapes, which are fun because of the way each bubble interacts with the sphincter muscle. Many dildos have ridges or bumps which make them great for G-spot and vaginal play, but they may be too rough for anal play, so try something smoother.

Anal Vibrators:

Vibrating anal toys are our first choice for an anal toy.  Vibration  relaxes tense rectal muscles. The area around your anal opening is extremely sensitive due to all those excitable nerve endings, and vibrations can act as a wonderful intensifier alongside butt plugs, dildos, oral sex, masturbation or on their own. Vibrating anal toys “feel bigger” inside, but don’t stretch the tissue.  A thin vibrating toy can feel bigger than a large non-vibrating toy, without feeling uncomfortable. All 3 types of anal toys come in vibrating forms. Anal beads, anal plugs and anal dildos are transformed when they vibrate.

Beginners should always start with a vibrating anal toy.  And, if you end up not enjoying the vibration, just turn it off.


ToysofErosAnal Sex: The Final Frontier for Lesbians and Queers.


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